Carlos Torres is a Gambling Addict!

Okay, since CBS is blocking my attempt at accessing The DiMaggio League website, I guess I'll spend my precious internet time reaching out to the people who really matter - King, Klosterman, and Simmons. That's right, I'm holding out hope that one day Bill Simmons will stumble across my website and decide that Grantland.com really does need a golf writer. C'mon Bill, I'm even plugging your site, how can you not hire me? I mean Carlos Torres is not walking through that door. He may not even fit through that door and he chose Mays over Ruth!

I found a place that boils the water before making ice. The result is Fruit Smoothie for Witko

As far as golf news goes today was a pretty solid day, although it may not sound too exciting, but here goes...I finished writing a lease for The Yeti Golf Course up in Pokhara and set up a meeting for tomorrow with the owners son. Why not the Owner? Well, he's in Pokhara and I'm in KTM, so as usual it is baby steps here in Nepal. Secondly, I sent the contract for the Faldo Series Tournament to a few contacts that will hopefully be able to push this thing through with a somewhat aggressive start date of October, 2012. Thirdly, I have finished putting together a sponsor proposal packet to hand out to anyone with a few thousand rupees and a desire to see golf grow in Nepal. This, of course, is for the creation of the Nepal Junior Golf Tour. I figure it will take about npr 75,000 per tournament. If you feel like donating, just email me and I'll be happy to put your name up in lights, or at least on any signage we put together. The next steps are to get the money, set a start date and alert the Media. I will be inviting all media, as well as any foreign Ambassador that wants to see the genesis of something amazing. I even have a Camera crew and anchor from a Korean all news station that may be willing to give us a hand. Go big or go home, I always say. Okay I don't always say that, but I am this time.
Today was also Nepali lesson day. I can now say what I like, what I need, and even explain how any house looks. Pretty sweet. Go, me! And thanks for reading. I wouldn't be blogging without you. Or Al Gore. That joke was too lame to leave out. Peace!

I miss you, Pohara. You're so lazy and clean. If you were a roommate you'd be great.

That's right, only 52 hours until I have this movie downloaded. *update-it went up to 64 as I was writing this.

 

Kick Start

It took me three months, but I broke down and found a KFC. It was AWESOME

Okaaay, let's get it going. And let's make it quick, for a couple of reasons. 1.) The outlet that I normally use to charge my computer and phone is not working. In the past I would have moved around and tried to find another one, but at this point I'll just wait and hope the electricity starts flowing into this plug sometime during this post. By the way, that is basically how a lot of things work over here. 2.) There are only eight days left until Becks arrives in KTM. Why does this affect my blog? Well, I guess it doesn't but, man it is going to be great to hang out with an American for a couple weeks. Maybe then I can go back to being sarcastic and bitter for a while.

Something next to a man made pond, by Stan Witko

Something on a pond, by Stan Witko

These are two of the three sisters I teach on Saturday afternoons.

This is not a good picture, but I had to add it because it is the worst restaurant I have ever been to. I think it's called Nanglo or something. If you're ever in DabarMarg, don't go here. The people were jerks, and the food (a simple hot dog, and yes, very American day) was the worst.

 So what happened in the world of Witko today? Well, I had a lesson in the morning with a woman who absolutely loves golf. She asks approximately 5,967 questions per lesson and is eager to improve. The problem with asking so many questions is that a number of questions arise because there is too much advice going into the students ears. Not from teachers, but from caddies (yes, caddies!), other golfers, golf magazines, etc. Now, I would most definitely prefer a student who asks questions over a dead fish who is only there because of an expiring gift certificate, or because of spousal of parental demand. I guess, like most things,  golf teachers prefer that students ask the exact right number of questions pertaining to only what we have gone over in the past. If anyone knows this student, please send him/her to The Royal Nepal Golf Club and have that person ask for the white dude. If it's someone other than me, it's not the right country. Back to my student...she has asked for one lesson a day for basically my tenure at this golf course. To break up the monotony I taught her how to kick start her golf swing. This is not a euphemism for anything, it is what you thought it was. Basically, you set up, and kick your club backwards with your lead foot and continue the swing from there. Her pure enjoyment over having this "shot" in her arsenal was the highlight of the lesson for both of us. I'm not sure what that says about me as a golf pro. Oh yeah I am; it says I'm amazing and that's how I get students to keep coming back. Take note crappy teachers who demand actual "progress" from their students - those students will be mine eventually because a huge part of golf is HAVING FUN. I don't know why I'm suddenly so annoyed with bad teachers and threatening to take away their business. Maybe because I'm a few thousand miles away from the US and can spout off with immunity. Computer is dying and with it this post.....

There are a few roads that the government is widening in order to help the traffic flow. Like I said before, a single law would probably help more, but oh well. What they do in order to facilitate this is the pretty much knock down the front of any shop or house that's in the way, with ZERO compensation to the owner. Those bricks used to be houses.

Another example of where a shop or house used to stand

Congruant Punishment and Hilarity

Me and Deepak; he was explaining something about something. I was busy taking a picture of myself.

Okay, I don't have a specific direction for this post, so I'll just ramble. "Well, wait, how's that different from any other time?", you may ask. It's not any different, really, today I just feel confident enough to admit it. Having just finished my Saturday clinic, I figured I figured that I may as well write something because frankly, I have nothing better to do. Which puts us in the same boat; by reading it, you admit you have nothing better to do. Let's go on the journey together. I'd like to begin by suggesting you check out this blog. Callie and I were able to laugh together (well, together via imessages) about wild dogs, Delhi belly, and taxi drivers. It's nice when someone you know is experiencing the same culture shock you went through. Not that I wish her ill, but humans like to share similar experiences. Granted, mine has not as of yet included much Yoga, but I'm working on it, especially with the lack of a gym. Have I mentioned how much I miss throwing on my iPod, loading it with some aggro music and lifting absurd amounts of weight. I used to call it "keeping the devil down in the hole". Now I just don't drink and that seems to accomplish the same thing. Have I mentioned I have no idea where this post would lead, or is that becoming obvious?

The Kathmandu Mall - It doesn't feel quite American, but it doesn't feel quite Nepali, either.

I was so tempted to wear my new pants to the clinic today, but I'm saving them for when I need to feel like a golf pro, namely the next time I play golf. I figure if my swing is in a disfigured state, the least I can do is try to look like an accomplished player. Which pants? Well, the pants that I ended up buying yesterday and totally omitted from the post about shopping of course. They are probably knock off Armani slacks, but if they last even three months I think I'll have gotten my 2500 rupees worth out of them. I think I'll hold off on any pictures until I'm actually wearing them, because it's always more fun to see me than just a pair of pants.  Before I talk about the clinic, which I need to do or else this whole thing could be about how I wash my underwear by hand. Seriously, I do. Before we do that, however, check out this shirt to your right. It is easily four feet across. I don't know who could wear this or maybe it's designed for really conjoined twins. Politically incorrect? Fat conjoined twins, please send your emails to stanwitko30@hotmail.com. Thanks. Oh, one last bit of shopping nonsense before we continue. Below is the store entitled Readymade Family Shopping Centre. I had to take a picture of this to point out the Yankees logo superimposed on the American flag. I have yet to see a Red Sox logo anywhere. Suck it, sawx fans!. NEXT........

It's in the Bishal Bazaar, 1st floor. Note: 1st floor actually means second floor in Nepal.

The other kids watching, me taking pictures, the whole thing was hilarious

 So, on to the clinic....About fifteen kids have reached the stage where the are allowed to play on their own. So they left, the youngest kids got to hit full shots today after their chipping lesson last week, and the older, yet not quite able to play kids got an hour long bunker lesson from yours truly. My reward was two shoes full of sand. But hey, at least nobody got hurt. I will also point out that the theme of this weeks clinic, aside from learning to play golf was discipline. I kicked one child, the son of a member at RNGC actually, out of the bunker for hitting when I told them not to. He's older and should know better, but I suspect he is testing me to see how much he can get away with. The answer - Nothing. Secondly, This kids in the yellow shirt was late and was forced to do ten "hens". This is when you grab your ears, pull them down and do a squat in front of everybody. I imagine the fact that I was taking a picture of it made it even worse. What made it worse for him was that he tried to bargain his way into doing less. No shot!

By now you know that I enjoy getting the kids to teach each other. Here's another example. I especially like it when nobody volunteers to teach. Then I pick either a.) the kid who can do it the best or b.) the kid who wants to do it the least

Success!

 

 

 

 I'd like to thank Grantland.com for reading my blog. Actually, I'm not sure that they are, but I am currently begging them for a job as a golf writer. If you have any connections, go ahead and help me out! Thanks

Yes, I Spent a Good Part of the Day Shopping and Climbing a Tower, So What?

Here is my day in pictures, minus the awful round of golf that will never be mentioned again.

(with captions)

This is the view from the top of the steps at The Kathmandu Mall. In the distance is a terrifying ferris wheel (aren't they all, or is that just me?) Seriously, the speed this thing was going was incredible. Oh there's also some sort of big Mongolian festival going on in the park.

You'll recognize my good friend Deepak, or maybe you won't with this sweet hat that he wouldn't buy.

Some of the stairs in the tower I visited today. They had these tiny windows every 50 steps or so.

The Shiva Lingam statue on the top floor

Gate outside the tower, the sign instructs you to leave your camera and bag outside. Negative

Awesome view from the top of the tower. Kathmandu really does look incredible. That temple on the left hill is the famous "monkey temple"

The Dharahara tower. 

1.  Originally built in 1825
2. Also known as Bhimsen Tower
3. During it's heyday was the spot people would gather around for major announcements
4. Original structure was destroyed in a 1934 earthquake
5. There are 213 steps, and it is 213 feet tall
6. The main materials used in building it are brick dust, lime, black lentil, and caramel. (that's what is says in the brochure, man)

Maasu. pass

Pass

Some type of fake garden that may have been designed by someone on acid (that's not on any brochure)

Yeah, I put my name on this wall, along with everyone else, plus my year of birth in Nepali.

Nunilo ra Piro!

The English guys have their backs to me. In case you couldn't tell.

Okay kids, I've been gone for a couple of days, well from the blogosphere at any rate, and for that I apologize. Kind of a rough day today, but when it gets a little rough for me, I just read this. I just had to get back on in order to update what's been going on with the two British dudes from the previous post. My feelings about them have nearly done a 180. You see, they must be staying at the hotel where I dine each night, and for the past three nights have been in the dining room at the same time as me. Or maybe I'm in the dining room at the same time as them, it depends on perspective I guess, and I'm kind of selfish, despite my world changing work with the children of Nepal. What they are up to is kind of interesting to witness. From what I can tell, they are trying to sell fabric to a couple of Nepali guys who must run a factory making clothing and specializing in suits. The whole thing reminds me a little bit of "How to Make it in America". This may not bode well for them as the show made it only a couple of seasons and was actually pure garbage beyond the typically smooth HBO producing. They are hustling like crazy. They have spreadsheets, and principle balances, expected and promised returns, and they do a lot of talking. There have been heated moments where I was convinced the Nepali guys were about to walk out on the entire thing. In fact, the guy on the left does most of the schmoozing and always tells them that "its about the timing of when you sell, that's how you make the money!" They have some type of ten year plan, wherein the initial investment by the Nepali group would be made up in the first three years, and then they would begin to turn a profit. The whole thing sounds to me like they are just trying to sell a ton of cheap fabric to these guys on a regular basis. The thing is this, the Nepali guys are kind of demanding a guaranteed return, while the English guys are hedging on that idea, explaining that it's a gamble, like anything except me winning the lottery all businesses are. If the fabric was any good, why wouldn't they just sell it in England? I mean the cost and annoyance of doing business in Nepal is substantial, as I am quickly finding out. Anyway, I can't decide who I'm rooting for in this negotiation - My adopted countrymen of Nepal, or the English dudes who are really trying to make something questionable happen. It's exciting to me and I'll let you know what I find out. Oh man, these guys just suggested a STEAK dinner! Hah, not too bright of an idea in a mainly Hindu country....


What else happened today? Well, I spent a good portion of it at the bank, of which I will spare you the details, and the rest of it was spent writing the Nepali alphabet which, as you can imagine is rather difficult and may cause early onset arthritis. I then spent the next hour trying to memorize vocabulary involved with tastes. If you're interested here are some words- Guliya, amilo, nunilo, piro, swaad. Two of them describe my favorite types of food - Nunilo and Piro, salty &spicy! Like a hot Mexican pirate woman. Has that ever existed? Anyway, before things go even further downhill, here are some more pictures...

It looks as hard as it is. There are 36 consonants and 13 vowels ranging from the sounds "ahm" to "ksha"

I know you all love pictures of my room and here is the latest and best incarnation

I feel like a world traveler and this picture kind of confirms it. Now I look like one too. This guy helps me with my Nepali. Wait, am I here to learn Nepali or advance golf in Nepal? It's one and the same is the Zen answer.

British Tourists, Non-Major Golf, and a Bonus Picture

Okay kids, Tuesday is almost always my favorite day of the week. I say almost because last week I nearly passed out face first into my tea on Tuesday. This week however, with a freshly installed kerosene heater in my room and the days getting warmer, I was able to attend my weekly Nepali lesson, which I have increased to two hours at a time. I know I've said this before, but a good teacher who is excited about her work makes ALL the difference in the world. Anita is always in a good mood, always offers me tea, and as a bonus her husband runs a printing business which is exactly what I need to finish the yardage guides for the Royal Nepal Golf Course.

***Breaking News**** I am typing this in the restaurant where I normally eat dinner and am having a hard time concentrating because the two British guys who just sat down at the table in front of mine are being waaay to British. They are taking the menu at face value, complaining about butter content, asking for "ginger beer", wondering about the fish (we are in a landlocked, developing country - how the **ck do you think the fish is?), demanding a heater (it's at least 60 degrees in here already), and just putting the waiter, who is my friend, through the ringer. #1, What the hell do they care how the food is? I guarantee it's better than English food, no matter how it tastes. #2 If you wanted English food and service, please do us all a favor and stay in England. I have come to detest English people here in Nepal. They complain about everything, claim things are horrendous and depressing, and expect people to just give them whatever they want since they assume their accent sounds pleasant. Well, I think it sounds stupid. And now that they have procured a space heater, they're complaining that it needs to be moved. Well, move that shit yourselves, how the hell did you even get dressed this morning, did mummy do it for you? Nepali people will tell you that English and German tourists are the worst, followed by the Australians. They all act supremely entitled and carry the holier than thou attitude around with them. The Americans who come here are generally well liked because of our laid back attitude and willingness to adapt. I wish I could go back in time and fight in the revolutionary war. This has been New of the Jaded, by Witko Enterprises.********

Where were we? Ahh yes, I was in a good mood from my lesson, couldn't you tell? Aside from finding a printer for the yardage guides, or more correctly, happening into one, I don't have a ton of golf news to report. I did watch a few holes of whatever the Bob Hope Classic is called ajhaa bholi (now-a-days) because it takes place near my home course in California. And here are my thoughts on that - non-major golf is nearly impossible to watch unless you are severely medicated or tied to a chair A Clockwork Orange style.

***News update** The one with the droopy eyes and bad teeth (no the other one) just told the waiter that "In England, they call me the joker. NOJ, WE*****

And now some pictures from my journey to the language lesson.......

More side roads, traffic, and people of Nepal

I can now name all of these vegetables in Nepali!

There is a lot of construction going on in this city, much of it by hand

Typical road side shop. I want to buy so many things, but I keep waiting until I 'm about to leave because I don't want to carry a bunch of stuff with me whenever I move

This is called Chicken Chili and it kicks ass, it's my pre-lesson ritual

Almost there!

My inspiration every Tueday, Thanks, Anita!

Bonus Picture of Mason, he would have loved it here. RIP buddy

A VERY Quick Tour of My Day

First this road

Past this dog

And this is my reward? Something isn't right.

He's a(n) (ego)Maniac

Okay... admittedly I did not play much golf for a few weeks following my first trip outside of Kathmandu. I may have been traumatized by having to play at The Himalayan Course, or humbled by losing about a dozen balls in only a few days, or maybe I was following up on one of my many threats to "quit #*##ing playing golf forever". I guess the last option can't be true, as I have been practicing every day for the last week and have played at least nine holes each day as well. I think everybody gets to a point in their golfing career where there are basically two options; 1.) take two weeks off and then quit, or 2.) take two weeks off, realize you can't live without it and beg it to take you back. If you choose the latter option you are recommitted, as if you had cheated on a girlfriend and suddenly you are buying flowers every day, washing her car, making dinner, and not farting in her presence. Likewise, you practice, think about golf, watch some golf on TV, read golf and even show the courage to go put your questionable swing out there for public consumption. Now, I am here to teach golf, to grow golf in Nepal, and as frequent readers know, I have taken it upon myself to create an entire junior academy in Pokhara. So I am obviously not far away from the game at any point, at least physically. The life of a teaching professional or administrator dealing with golf generally means a life without playing or practicing. In Nepal, howevaaah, there is ample time to both play and practice should you desire. Well, I now have the desire and have actually been improving. In fact after making three consecutive bogies to start my back nine today I finished with 6 pars in a row, including an improbable par in which I used a hybrid from a greenside bunker and watched as the ball rolled nearly 30 yards, nestling close enough for me to make a putt. 9 iron, hybrid, putter = par. Who would like me to continue talking about my golf game? Maybe you'd like to hear about another dream, or how about my fantasy baseball team, The Nixons. (Who were dealt a somewhat severe blow when Victor Martinez went down for the year. Don't worry, though I still have the best team and Chet Lemon is going to have a hard time reclaiming his dynasty title after I repeat this year) Wait, nobody wants to hear about that stuff? Okay then back to doing some good in the world. Of golf, that is.

Par five. I smoked this drive, hooked the next shot but got a good bounce, hit a bad chip and two putted for the first of my par streak that day

 Aside from teaching golf to these youngsters, I am trying to give them some things to take away from the course as well. In golf you learn sportsmanship, respect for your competitors, honesty, and integrity. With this being the case, I don't understand why people get so bent out of shape when politicians are out playing golf. In fact, if they played a little more golf and did a little less talking we may actually have a functioning congress. I'm not saying the kids I'm teaching now will grow up to become the next Governor of California, but I am saying that we may be better of if they did fulfill that dream of mine.And I'm nominating this little guy here for a run in 20something. I don't even know his name, nor do I know how old he is, but if Arnold can do it, I'm positive this guy has an outside shot. I love the look on his face, like "why is this big white guy taking a picture of me? And if he is I may as well pose for it just in case he thinks I don't have any chops.


I also met the German Ambassador today, a very tall white lady who prefers to play golf with the company of men only. We were talking after the round and she was happy that somebody was attempting to get kids involved in sports on a bigger level than simply finding the best kids and spending time and money on them. I explained that in order for the best kids to rise up and compete on an international level, all of the kids who wanted to play needed to at least have the opportunity. Without competition, kids can't succeed at sports by simply practicing. When was the last time North Korea won anything? Well, besides Kim Jong-Il, of course.  I have started treating these kids like little soldiers, though in The Great Leaders honor, and I have them all get into their stance, show me correct positions, and swing when I tell them to. I stand on a tee box and bark out orders while they happily follow along. Alright, tell your friends about the blog and get them to make a donation to HYGA or to me directly, however they prefer.  I leave you with more pictures of actual golf....Later, kids!

I took the smallest kids that day and paired them off. They learned the words hosel, grip, shaft, toe and heel. All places that you can hit the ball with. After the clinic I was kind of amused that I didn't teach them where the face of the club is. I think that says more about my game than anything else. Sad.

I have the kids teach each other after I teach them. It reinforces the lesson of the day and gives them some confidence.

Why not finish with a picture of me? It's why you're reading, right?

A Hairy Dream

I plan on rafting down this thing in April

Monkey

HEAT!

My new buff. I'm either a terrorist from the future or a white dude trying to stay warm.

Okay, let me tell y'all (and now I'm going into southern dialect-this is when you know my English is garbage) a quick and true story...I had a dream the other day that I had a full head of hair and was at the barber debating how to get it cut. I was sitting in the barber chair (keep in mind, my dreams are now mostly filled with Nepali backgrounds which is odd enough) watching people come and go, totally at ease with myself. I opted for some sort of absurd haircut which I can't fully recall the details but it did include spiking things and making my thick mane even more bountiful. The dream moved from the barber shop to an outdoor setting near a beach. I was letting the wind go through my hair and loving it. Then I woke up. On a hard bed. Shaved head. In Kathmandu. With the sounds of the city waking up around me. There were people on bicycles selling fruit, car horns, some mysterious loud siren that I hear a couple times a day, and wild dogs barking. The point is, when I was in high school say, what would have been the weirder part of that story, the dream or the reality?
I was recently granted a kerosene heater and a desk for my room, which actually makes all the difference in the world. It's amazing the things we take for granted in America. I know, I know, everybody who travels to a developing country says this, but they say it for a reason. Okay, I'm off to play some chess and listen to Adel while burning incense. Seriously. This is my life. Thanks for being such voyouristic people. We'll talk soon...Oh yeah, the courage part I mentioned last time...it takes a lot of courage to continue playing golf with the swing I bring out there on a regular basis.