British Tourists, Non-Major Golf, and a Bonus Picture

Okay kids, Tuesday is almost always my favorite day of the week. I say almost because last week I nearly passed out face first into my tea on Tuesday. This week however, with a freshly installed kerosene heater in my room and the days getting warmer, I was able to attend my weekly Nepali lesson, which I have increased to two hours at a time. I know I've said this before, but a good teacher who is excited about her work makes ALL the difference in the world. Anita is always in a good mood, always offers me tea, and as a bonus her husband runs a printing business which is exactly what I need to finish the yardage guides for the Royal Nepal Golf Course.

***Breaking News**** I am typing this in the restaurant where I normally eat dinner and am having a hard time concentrating because the two British guys who just sat down at the table in front of mine are being waaay to British. They are taking the menu at face value, complaining about butter content, asking for "ginger beer", wondering about the fish (we are in a landlocked, developing country - how the **ck do you think the fish is?), demanding a heater (it's at least 60 degrees in here already), and just putting the waiter, who is my friend, through the ringer. #1, What the hell do they care how the food is? I guarantee it's better than English food, no matter how it tastes. #2 If you wanted English food and service, please do us all a favor and stay in England. I have come to detest English people here in Nepal. They complain about everything, claim things are horrendous and depressing, and expect people to just give them whatever they want since they assume their accent sounds pleasant. Well, I think it sounds stupid. And now that they have procured a space heater, they're complaining that it needs to be moved. Well, move that shit yourselves, how the hell did you even get dressed this morning, did mummy do it for you? Nepali people will tell you that English and German tourists are the worst, followed by the Australians. They all act supremely entitled and carry the holier than thou attitude around with them. The Americans who come here are generally well liked because of our laid back attitude and willingness to adapt. I wish I could go back in time and fight in the revolutionary war. This has been New of the Jaded, by Witko Enterprises.********

Where were we? Ahh yes, I was in a good mood from my lesson, couldn't you tell? Aside from finding a printer for the yardage guides, or more correctly, happening into one, I don't have a ton of golf news to report. I did watch a few holes of whatever the Bob Hope Classic is called ajhaa bholi (now-a-days) because it takes place near my home course in California. And here are my thoughts on that - non-major golf is nearly impossible to watch unless you are severely medicated or tied to a chair A Clockwork Orange style.

***News update** The one with the droopy eyes and bad teeth (no the other one) just told the waiter that "In England, they call me the joker. NOJ, WE*****

And now some pictures from my journey to the language lesson.......

More side roads, traffic, and people of Nepal

I can now name all of these vegetables in Nepali!

There is a lot of construction going on in this city, much of it by hand

Typical road side shop. I want to buy so many things, but I keep waiting until I 'm about to leave because I don't want to carry a bunch of stuff with me whenever I move

This is called Chicken Chili and it kicks ass, it's my pre-lesson ritual

Almost there!

My inspiration every Tueday, Thanks, Anita!

Bonus Picture of Mason, he would have loved it here. RIP buddy

A VERY Quick Tour of My Day

First this road

Past this dog

And this is my reward? Something isn't right.

He's a(n) (ego)Maniac

Okay... admittedly I did not play much golf for a few weeks following my first trip outside of Kathmandu. I may have been traumatized by having to play at The Himalayan Course, or humbled by losing about a dozen balls in only a few days, or maybe I was following up on one of my many threats to "quit #*##ing playing golf forever". I guess the last option can't be true, as I have been practicing every day for the last week and have played at least nine holes each day as well. I think everybody gets to a point in their golfing career where there are basically two options; 1.) take two weeks off and then quit, or 2.) take two weeks off, realize you can't live without it and beg it to take you back. If you choose the latter option you are recommitted, as if you had cheated on a girlfriend and suddenly you are buying flowers every day, washing her car, making dinner, and not farting in her presence. Likewise, you practice, think about golf, watch some golf on TV, read golf and even show the courage to go put your questionable swing out there for public consumption. Now, I am here to teach golf, to grow golf in Nepal, and as frequent readers know, I have taken it upon myself to create an entire junior academy in Pokhara. So I am obviously not far away from the game at any point, at least physically. The life of a teaching professional or administrator dealing with golf generally means a life without playing or practicing. In Nepal, howevaaah, there is ample time to both play and practice should you desire. Well, I now have the desire and have actually been improving. In fact after making three consecutive bogies to start my back nine today I finished with 6 pars in a row, including an improbable par in which I used a hybrid from a greenside bunker and watched as the ball rolled nearly 30 yards, nestling close enough for me to make a putt. 9 iron, hybrid, putter = par. Who would like me to continue talking about my golf game? Maybe you'd like to hear about another dream, or how about my fantasy baseball team, The Nixons. (Who were dealt a somewhat severe blow when Victor Martinez went down for the year. Don't worry, though I still have the best team and Chet Lemon is going to have a hard time reclaiming his dynasty title after I repeat this year) Wait, nobody wants to hear about that stuff? Okay then back to doing some good in the world. Of golf, that is.

Par five. I smoked this drive, hooked the next shot but got a good bounce, hit a bad chip and two putted for the first of my par streak that day

 Aside from teaching golf to these youngsters, I am trying to give them some things to take away from the course as well. In golf you learn sportsmanship, respect for your competitors, honesty, and integrity. With this being the case, I don't understand why people get so bent out of shape when politicians are out playing golf. In fact, if they played a little more golf and did a little less talking we may actually have a functioning congress. I'm not saying the kids I'm teaching now will grow up to become the next Governor of California, but I am saying that we may be better of if they did fulfill that dream of mine.And I'm nominating this little guy here for a run in 20something. I don't even know his name, nor do I know how old he is, but if Arnold can do it, I'm positive this guy has an outside shot. I love the look on his face, like "why is this big white guy taking a picture of me? And if he is I may as well pose for it just in case he thinks I don't have any chops.


I also met the German Ambassador today, a very tall white lady who prefers to play golf with the company of men only. We were talking after the round and she was happy that somebody was attempting to get kids involved in sports on a bigger level than simply finding the best kids and spending time and money on them. I explained that in order for the best kids to rise up and compete on an international level, all of the kids who wanted to play needed to at least have the opportunity. Without competition, kids can't succeed at sports by simply practicing. When was the last time North Korea won anything? Well, besides Kim Jong-Il, of course.  I have started treating these kids like little soldiers, though in The Great Leaders honor, and I have them all get into their stance, show me correct positions, and swing when I tell them to. I stand on a tee box and bark out orders while they happily follow along. Alright, tell your friends about the blog and get them to make a donation to HYGA or to me directly, however they prefer.  I leave you with more pictures of actual golf....Later, kids!

I took the smallest kids that day and paired them off. They learned the words hosel, grip, shaft, toe and heel. All places that you can hit the ball with. After the clinic I was kind of amused that I didn't teach them where the face of the club is. I think that says more about my game than anything else. Sad.

I have the kids teach each other after I teach them. It reinforces the lesson of the day and gives them some confidence.

Why not finish with a picture of me? It's why you're reading, right?

A Hairy Dream

I plan on rafting down this thing in April

Monkey

HEAT!

My new buff. I'm either a terrorist from the future or a white dude trying to stay warm.

Okay, let me tell y'all (and now I'm going into southern dialect-this is when you know my English is garbage) a quick and true story...I had a dream the other day that I had a full head of hair and was at the barber debating how to get it cut. I was sitting in the barber chair (keep in mind, my dreams are now mostly filled with Nepali backgrounds which is odd enough) watching people come and go, totally at ease with myself. I opted for some sort of absurd haircut which I can't fully recall the details but it did include spiking things and making my thick mane even more bountiful. The dream moved from the barber shop to an outdoor setting near a beach. I was letting the wind go through my hair and loving it. Then I woke up. On a hard bed. Shaved head. In Kathmandu. With the sounds of the city waking up around me. There were people on bicycles selling fruit, car horns, some mysterious loud siren that I hear a couple times a day, and wild dogs barking. The point is, when I was in high school say, what would have been the weirder part of that story, the dream or the reality?
I was recently granted a kerosene heater and a desk for my room, which actually makes all the difference in the world. It's amazing the things we take for granted in America. I know, I know, everybody who travels to a developing country says this, but they say it for a reason. Okay, I'm off to play some chess and listen to Adel while burning incense. Seriously. This is my life. Thanks for being such voyouristic people. We'll talk soon...Oh yeah, the courage part I mentioned last time...it takes a lot of courage to continue playing golf with the swing I bring out there on a regular basis.

Nearly Passing out in a Foreign Country Stinks

One of the better juniors. We were allowed to use the second hole for this lesson, as you are not allowed to hit drivers or hybrids on the range.

Practice makes perfect. Or at least not totally awful.

Okay, my apologies for not posting in the last few days. I have actually been really sick for a couple of days with what felt like the flu or something. I don't know if I've ever had the flu, I got shot before I came, and it only lasted a couple of days, so maybe it wasn't the flu. It definitely had something to do with the cold, however. At night it is now dipping into the mid-low thirties and since there is no heat in my room, it makes for some very long nights and chilly mornings. At one point I was drinking a pot of tea in a nearby restaurant and I began to sweat profusely, my vision started getting questionable and I was a few seconds from passing out. I kept telling myself to breathe deeply and to focus on something in order to stay awake. I was actually pretty proud of myself for not falling off my chair, or going face down into my tea. After what felt like ten minutes, but was probably more like thirty seconds, I somewhat snapped out of it and realized I was covered in sweat; enough that it went through my hat and sweatshirt. I'm not sure what exactly that was all about, but I believe it had something to do with dehydration and the fact that I had been living on tea and bread for the last two days. So a warning for the next pro to make his/her way here..drink a lot of water! Luckily, had I passed out I would have been okay since that place is a regular of mine on most nights and the waiters and captain are friends of mine who help me with my clumsy Nepali without growing weary.

Part of the drive into Thamel from the Sinamangal (sp?) area. Anyway, this could be pretty much any side street in KTM, but on this one they are widening the road by knocking down houses and store fronts. It's one way to go about fixing the traffic problem. Another way would be with any rule. Any rule whatsoever would be a start.

This is tough work if you can get it. I have trouble just connecting my PS3 to the TV. ahhh I miss that thing!

They brought me water and some soda water with black salt in it for my stomach. That stuff tastes awful and you burp it up for the next three hours, but it did make my stomach feel better. I should be getting a kerosene heater today, as well as some sort of table and chair in order to make my room a bit more liveable, not to mention healthy. Since I have been battling illness, I haven't had a chance to do much exciting stuff. I did manage to give a video lesson to the four kids who are sponsored this year from the NGA for their golf and schooling. They were terribly interested to see their swings on video for the first time and consequently made fun of each other when it wasn't their turn. I don't even know if that's proper English anymore. I have a meeting next week with the owner of The Fulbari Hotel and Resort in Pokhara. This hotel owns the golf course that we are trying to take control of. I'm also hoping to work out a deal that allows each pro who comes here to stay on the hotel property as it is a five star hotel, the only one in Nepal. Whoever (whom ever? what is going on with my once superior grasp of my native language?) is next should send me money every week for a year if this happens  really be rooting for this to happen.
Next post- The meaning of courage.......

Sunny days, good news, and a woman on a horse in the middle of the street

Okay, OMG it is like totally incredible how much a sunny day can change your mood. For the previous few weeks in Kathmandu it had been generally cold and foggy for most of the day. Today brought a thick fog in the morning followed by what can only be described as perfect weather for the rest of the day. I'll just assume it's because I played golf this morning (poorly) for the first time in a while and I was rewarded with sunny skies and high 60 degree temperatures. The world revolves around me, right? No?....Anyway, back to what the natural mood enhancer- the sun. I was really reminded of being in Portland for the last few weeks, albeit with less rain. And then I was reminded of how much better I felt as soon as moved to southern California. I think I need the sun to function my best. Without it, I'd say I'm at 75% overall.

Check out this lady on a horse. I would always see the kid, guiding the horse in this picture, racing this horse up and down the streett at what seemed like crazy speed.

What in the world am I going on about? Back to the news; we are moving forward with the Faldo Series event in Nepal and are aiming for October of this year. It's mildly disappointing that I won't be here to see it take place. This tournament will actually allows players to earn world junior amateur ranking points and winners are invited to the Faldo Series Asian Grand Final. Sachin and I are also working on creating a monthly junior tournament, to run for an undetermined number of months, with junior amateurs gaining ranking points based on finish. I believe it is important to have internal competition in Nepal in order for our players to succeed in another country.
A brief shipment update: nope.
A brief Pokhara update; I'm coming for ya in February - I can't wait to be able to drive again!
Enjoy the random mix of pictures below. More excitement to follow!!

Here's another one of my room, I don't know why. I think I like the way the walls look red and the sun and incense mix nicely. Plus, why not?

These kids will have their own tour someday, first they need to learn how to swing.

Today is a holiday in Nepal (like most days) and apparently sweets are a big part of it. These things were good, but they're very difficult to eat. Somehow they're both hard and sticky

Even the airport looked kind of cool today. Thank you, Sun!

Malaai Coffee Dinhus!

Okay, "Just what the hell is going on in Witko's life?", you may find yourself wondering. Well, luckily for you, my loyal readers I am here to answer that very question. I am working on a few different things right now - 1.) I am working on acquiring a course in Pokahra to use a as junior academy as well as a public play course. This will give me the freedom to let kids play and practice as much as they can, which is not always the case in KTM. In fact, I believe we are looking for an superintendent to come over and help us get this course into shape. So, if you can build golf courses, and want to do it for free, come to Nepal! 2.) I am trying to bring a Faldo Series Event  to Nepal. This could be one of the biggest things to happen to Nepal Junior golf, well...ever. 3-5.) Yardage guide, restructuring the HYGA junior program here to include a junior tour event once a month, shipment of clubs (yes, still). I can't get into any details of any of this just yet, as nothing is finalized. We are basically at the genesis level of things right now.
Now it's time for Witko complaining about something. Of all the differences between Nepal and America, and there are about 23 million differences, the one that gets me constantly a simple one. When you order a cup of coffee here, you get just that - one cup of coffee. As an coffeeaholic it pains me to have to order cup after cup and not just get free refills. When CNN and cable TV came to Nepal about twelve years ago, they did all Americans a huge disservice by not running a 24 hour special on the need for the bottomless cup of coffee. Americans are bigger people, we need more coffee to sustain us throughout the day. I know it's cheap (sano) for a cup of coffee, but I really think they need to raise the price and just make it never ending. Not for cappuccinos or lattes, but for a simple cup of coffee. There should be waiters with pots of coffee just waiting to top you off as soon as you take a sip. If Nepal can fix this one thing, I'll come back. If not, I'll still come back but the only thing I'll pack is 70lbs of coffee and a commercial coffee maker to bring around with me. Just finished off my last sip on that sentence - "Bhai- malai coffee dinhus!!!"
Now for some random pictures......

This is where I'll be beating Nick Becks when he gets here. Actually, the course will beat both of us

This light in my room usually happens around 4pm. Pretty sweet, and yes I do burn incense.

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This dentist apparently slapped a girl who was brought in for treatment. I love two things about this picture- 1.) That someone was there to capture it, and 2.) It's not that I dislike dentists, but the prices are insane. I'm convinced they could do the same work for maybe 1/4 of the price. Although maybe this guys prices have gone down.

One of the acceptable places in Thamel to get some coffee and sunlight at the same time.